In September 2013, I moved to Hong Kong. I knew one person here and I’d be working with her full-time. Once I found out about the job here, I nearly let myself down a few times, thinking maybe it was best to stay in England and stay with my friends, safe. But as I will explain another time, that’s not me. I never let myself be scared by a challenge, everyone in life should challenge themselves and me in myself wanted to do it.
The adrenaline kicked in about two weeks before I left, for the first time in ages I felt on top of the world, someone wanted me for my skill and merit. My first class honours degree had finally got me somewhere. I’d spent the last year freelancing, I direct with young people and after a successful second year out of uni, I found myself freelance again. It’s never easy to make the transition back after being paid a definite wage each month. But I survived and worked hard, the whole experience however hit me hard and if it wasn’t for my friend Mel, I don’t know what I would have done. By accident we started living together in a tiny studio flat. She was understanding, chilled out and the most the most fun I’ve ever had! If she hadn’t have helped boost my confidence during that year I don’t know if I would have made it to Hong Kong, but I did and I’m proud of myself for taking the leap.
Once I got here my anxiety vanished.
I used to sit and wonder where it’d gone, I felt great, there was no pit in my stomach, I was confident in meeting new people and making friends. The adventures I had in that first month involved alcohol, boys, making new friends and staying out late. All of which are horrendous triggers! Then something happened, it jilted me and made me re-analyse who I was becoming and what I’d left behind. I was becoming cocky and I didn’t like it. It wasn’t me. There’s a funny culture in Hong Kong that I didn’t want to be a part of. From then on it slowly trickled back, the feelings of dread, apprehension and my own self belief.
However much it returns, I need to keep my head above water, I like to concentrate on the positive side of life and for all intents and purposes appear to others as strong. It may be a facade, but it’s who I wish to be.
I’m settled into a flat now and live alone, I just have to remind myself daily of what I’ve achieved. I’m doing well here and have already been asked to direct a huge production for the company. I just have to keep smiling
I’ll always try to stay positive.