So I haven’t written on here for a while. Some would think that’s a good thing. I’m not altogether that sure. Writing on here though makes me write down what’s in my head and helps me to process it all. Something that anyone with anxiety will understand or should try.
So at the moment, I’m in Taipei. The picture above is the view from the balcony of a beautiful little apartment I found. It is the perfect place to get away to and I’ve found myself sitting on the balcony for the last 1-2 hours listening to podcasts and breathing in some fresh air…something that isn’t that easy in Hong Kong.
So why am I here? Firstly it’s easter and one of my aims this year was to explore Asia. I finished work on Saturday after what was a LONG few weeks. I had time off at CNY but it didn’t feel like it was enough, so really, I’ve been working none stop since Christmas.
This year has been difficult so far. I’ve put on a huge production with 39 children, started tolerating being gluten free and continue to have horrific stomach upsets. It’s been really tough, I won’t lie. I’ve found it hard to find the positive in things and I’ve begun to rely on other people rather than being independent. I think these trips away, which I’ve discussed before, are good for reminding me that I can do things by myself. I’m a very strong person and am perfectly capable of doing whatever I set my mind to. But that’s easy to forget.
This holiday I was supposed to go to Singapore, my best friend and house mates boyfriend has just moved there and it honestly sounds like the place I should be living! There’s adventure sports and men who might actually want to date (I have my priorities straight!). But they were having some problems and it didn’t happen. By the time I looked at flights again it was too late, everything was crazy prices. Then, on Saturday I found a flight to Taiwan for $900 (£75)! After a little researching I found this apartment for £44 a night on Air bnb and I was sold. So I’m here spontaneously, just how I want to live my life.
I’ve specifically stayed off Facebook, something that is the bearer of many an anxiety and before I left I started a Snap chat story. I’ve begun to watch more videos by vloggers on YouTube, I don’t know the science of it but it’s probably massively anxiety enducing too. One of my vloggers is of course Zoella. Though many young people will watch her as she gives them hair and make up tips, I watch because she’s someone who has massive anxiety attacks. She’s started vlogging again recently and a comment from her boyfriend was that it was good for her mental health. If she blogged then she had to find interesting things to do for the vlog, therefore giving her a reason to get up and get out of the house and be active. So with my snap chat story I thought that it would be a good way to do the same, also it gave me something to do when I felt alone or anxious which always helps. It’s helped a lot and although it shows me physically that no one is actually watching, it gives me a reason to get out of bed and be active.
So I’m here, snap chatting my way through Taipei and being the me I want to be, the person I wish people could see when I’m back home, but it’s not that easy.
I know I want to leave Hong Kong now, it’s suffocating to be in the city so much but I definitely don’t want to go back to England. I’ve been given another two years on my hk contract and who else has that knowledge to sort out the next step? I work in a company that is 100% understanding of my difficulties but there’s negatives about it too. At least the page is empty for me to write whatever I like on and I love that freedom.
Give yourself a chance to be yourself.