I’ve been getting on really well recently. My medication is doing wonders and I’m proud of what I am able to do with it. My periods of being horrifically ill have lessened and even been given a name. They’re called ‘surges’ when your anxiety peaks sometimes without your body even knowing that you’re anxious. It’s nice to know that there’s an answer to it. The world isn’t perfect, but the medication keeps things on an even playing field so that I am able to make rational judgements and decisions.
Something that has always been a source of anxiety for me is guys. I have been single now for more time than I wish to humanly admit. My entire adult life so far has been without a companion. I’ve dated, but only as many times as I could count on my right hand. It’s something that starts to eat into you as you grow with this on your shoulders. Is there something about you that people really hate? Am I unattractive?
I’ve been through every stage of being single, the ‘i’m too good for anyone’, ‘I’m independent and free’ to ‘fuck what’s wrong with me!’ and ‘how the hell am I ever supposed to find anyone?’ It’s got to the stage where, I am starting to look around. Sure, Facebook is celebrating a new engagement or marriage every five minutes, but the people around me are either married, no where near getting married or single, just like me. It made me think, are we just a generation that find it impossible to find the one?
Tinder is something I loathe. Is this what it’s boiled down to? Dating a million people, just for the point of dating. What happened to dating because you wanted a relationship, is that out of date now? Am I not allowed to want that anymore? Are we a generation that will spend our lives dating around, hooking up and generally not finding anyone to settle down with.
I get it, we live in a generation where our parents got divorced, found other people, the family model changed from a simple 2.4 children to a myriad of different meanings. It’s suddenly less socially acceptable to be with someone for a long period of time. Living in Hong Kong is especially hard. People come to Hong Kong mainly for two reasons, to make money and to party. This does not include a clause of ‘at some stage find someone that makes you happy’ unless you’ve been around enough people to fill a double decker tram. Who really wants to say that their wife or husband slept with sometimes hundreds of people before you two settled down?
I may be just negative, with anxiety you find it hard to get out the house sometimes, let alone go talk to the cute guy across the bar. It certainly gives you a new perspective on life though and often the light at the end of the tunnel is just a simple glint in someone’s eye that’s easily missed. I suppose I just wanted to share my opinion, with or without anxiety it’s a tough thing, this ‘finding love’ and a ‘happily ever after’ seems near on impossible.
‘Are we all just supposed to date around for the foreseeable future?’