So I’m now back in the UK and living with a wonderful friend I used to live with when I was last in Birmingham. All is well, but I suddenly have an overwhelming anxiety about everything and nothing at the same time.
My mission now is to get a job and make a new life for myself. I am here to progress in my career and I need to get on with job applications. Also at the same time though, I just want to bloody rest. The last few weeks have been insane, I spent two weeks in Singapore, left Hong Kong, did Dubai on the way back and visited Edinburgh for the fringe so I am pretty much exhausted. Yes this was mostly for leisure, but I know most people would agree when you’re travelling you’re not always relaxing by a pool getting a good rest.
So here I am, two weeks into being back in the country and I haven’t touched a job application. It’s almost starting to scare me, the thought of going through the process and the almighty thought of rejection. I need to not give up.
Today I spent the day sleeping and scrolling through Facebook, less than productive. My anxiety is returning and I am losing hope in life a little. My friend half convinced me to move back here because I had such a big support network and don’t get me wrong I have a lot of friends back here, but some have moved on and others I see as much as I did when in HK. Everyone worries about money in the UK, they’re not living on expat wages here and therefore nobody wants to do anything. That’s something I am finding hard, in Hong Kong everyone is so social and always want to go out for meals and have a coffee.
I miss the beach. What I wouldn’t give to Kayak in the sea right now in Stanley. I also think I’m grieving for Hong Kong. Sometimes I’ll suddenly break out into tears whether for 5 minutes or 30, it’ll effect me for my whole day. The place was home, but without the right job there was no point in me being there.
The dream now would be to find somewhere new, perhaps not the UK (I am dreading the winter already) but somewhere further afield, just the path at the moment isn’t clear. I need to keep looking and researching. Without work, there’s no way I can travel and that passion still runs through my veins.